"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself!" FDR

I thought this would be a great title for this post. It is something that I have struggled with most of my life; FEAR. Not so much the fear of snakes, or the fear of rodents, although I do fear them, but I consider that a healthy fear. The fear I am referring to is the fear of failure. I have always been the kind of person that if I don't think I will succeed at doing it, I just won't do it. I know that might sound weird to some of you, but it is how I have been most of my life. And it is something that I have only realized about myself.

Let me explain my fear, especially for my Christian friends who are thinking about 2Timothy 1:7. I understand what the Bible says, and I try not to have this fear, but it is still something I struggle with on a regular basis.For example, Meghan's family has a cabin on North Lake in Michigan. We go there vacationing with the family. They love water skiing. They have asked if I wanted to try it - Yes I want to try it, but no I'm not going to because I don't think I can do it and if I I can't do it I don't want to try. So then you say, "how will you know if you never try?" Great point, but if I try and fail I'm upset with myself and I feel like a failure, Fear of Failing! It all goes back to my subject line. "You have nothing to fear but fear itself." The sad thing is I'm just starting to realize this about myself at age 44! Well, maybe I realized it sooner but never wanted to admit it.

Here is how I have started to see it playing out in my life lately. I feel like God has given me two big visions for my future. One is a farm/camp that would be a non profit where Meghan and I run a farm and camp for underprivileged children, Special needs children and their families and so much more. I won't get into all the details in this post but I will explain more in the future. The other is a business idea - to open a Christian Arts Center where Christian Artist can come and have studios to create in. Be it, dance, painting, pottery, singing, musical instruments... the arts you know are limitless. There would also be a Theater in the middle of the whole thing where Christian playwrights can have their shows performed as well as other clean productions. These two things are burning in my heart every day, but because of my recent discovery of myself, I have really not done anything with them, other than write the ideas down on paper.

At first I said I hadn't done anything with it because I am a visionary; I can see the final product, but I don't know how to take that first step. Well to be honest, that is not true. I do know how to take that first step, the problem is; I'm afraid to take that first step because; What if I fail? I know, "So what if you fail?" - Learn from your mistakes and move on. The problem is, my mistake isn't just my mistake anymore. If I fail, my family fails with me. As the head of the household and the main bread winner, I am responsible for paying the bills, putting food on the table all the things the dad is supposed to be responsible for, if I fail it will affect more than just me!

I am working on praying through these fears and I'm going to ask those of you who read this to join me in praying. And I would love to hear from you - do any of you struggle with this kind of fear? If so have you been able to over come it, and how! Please share your stories with me by commenting below I would love to hear your stories.

Well, that is my thought for today - I hope you have been able to get a small nugget out of it and we can learn to conquer this things called fear together!

Would you do it for free?

So I had a realization this morning. Not sure if it is true for everyone but I know it is true for me and I wanted to share it with you. This came to me as I was thinking about being on tour with the Thorn.  I love working with these talented amazing people! These folks are amazing in the area God gifted them in and also amazing in being servants. They work hard all day long in so many areas and they do it with a joyful heart. Don't get me wrong as the weeks go on people get grumpy and tired but for the most part everyone loves what they are doing and they show love to everyone they meet. (at least that has been my experience)

The realization I had started out thinking about how wonderful these folks are, how much I have loved working with them this week, how much I'm going to miss them when I leave and more so how much I'm going to miss doing something I love to do - Telling God's story in such a creative way! I continued to think about how I wish I could this full time - and that's when it hit me. When you volunteer to do something and you are willing to do it for free then this is what you are called to do. (SIDE NOTE - please don't read into this that I'm quitting my job and going on tour full time with Thorn Productions - that is one of the things I love about being a Children's Pastor as well, using my gift of Creative Communication to tell God's Story) What I realized is why I love doing the Thorn, paid or unpaid is because I get to use my gifts and talents that God has instilled in me with people of like minds.  When you do what you love it really isn't work.

My encouragement for you is find something you love to do and do it. It may not end up being your full time job, but it could be a volunteer position or just a hobby.  These were just my thoughts, hope it blesses someone and you find a nugget in it!